gonna get on up

intimately we weigh out the silence
and for how long we will have to carry it
---
if bullets were made to aim
their desired target
i wouldnt feel this wrench in my stomach
no doubt that life
and sustenance
has a different meaning on the black market
blocks
where you can trade rock
for a cuete
call slick up for a hit
and have rent paid
before the 5th

i evict the habits
of finding love addicts
no one should try hard at it

it just is
as i am

i introduce my game
little attitude
shifting moons
warming the air with a sweet disposition
never get used to the abuse
no bitter words
or rants
tell me what you want
love chant
---
what if it means more
than what i wanted it to
what if i get misconstrue
have to explain my way out of something i did not do
---
what if i did want to go there?
in those moments
where we want to share
but are scare
of judgement
committing to our own fallacies

what if i change my mind
grow out of it

what will you think of me
if i disclosed
this truth
my truths
the true ones
without ambivalence

so no law obligates you to respect me
no mandate forces you to accept me

without abjection
or restrictive affection-
you kiss dictates your surrender

Soñando Alto | dreaming high

Soñando Alto | dreaming high
by L.A. Profé (d.r.f.)

Destapo cada noche la memoria de charcos lodosos
de sapos verdes
entre las hierbas de mala fe y buena sed


Sueño de la querida soledad,
la chela,
y el negro panzón
sueño con duendes
con avestruces sumando sus pasiones
en corazones malditos
en la habitación mas recóndita de la inspiración


la primera mitad a la Antigua
retrasada en retratos muelo los miedos
pisco el olvido
cayo los sonidos de la lluvia|
tocando la sequedad | de mi espera
de oler de nuevo | la mas bella tierra

Some days i loose track of my self.
Identify your identification
list your qualifications
Requirements and a couple check boxes
is all | it takes-
for me to feel idly small.

The other day, a brother scoped me as i walked to the liquor store, 5 steps cold, he stops me and asks, 
"do u really feel that tall?"
my arrogance|my sit up straight lectures | keep your head up tupac melotones
had me walking like a fool-
But i didnt feel like one.

See i walk as proud as i can with the deck of diamonds and spades that i hold in my hand.
No fancy hearts or clovers to luck my pride.
The shame we carry|
the modesty we are taught|
and then we are wary of those around us who are not

schemes of deceit
lead me to believe in the torture of imagination.
i play out too well the defense of an off-hand offense
i play out the finger pointing
break my head trying to make sense of social fictions that operate as facts.

And then for a moment
i think of el hombre con alas grandes y emplumadas
Marquez sobers up my terquedad...
fuck it-
Dreaming ain’t so bad
and i list myself along w/ the tenth muse and the amazonas
i get lost briefly in the what ifs

What if we didn’t falter in ego
What if we weren’t threaten by motivos
By a different swag
A whole new stylo

Porque a mi nadie me pregunto
si era el CREAM
el green
el American Dream con lo que yo soñaba

---

Antes yo si volaba

but i grew up being scared of green uniformed men
the public petrification of my childhood boiled down to one thing

i wasn't suppose to be here
i wasn't meant to exist

so i silenced the nights of crossing over puddled mountains|
maimed inside the coffins of trunks|
arrastrandome debajo de motores|
under the radar

calladita
que ya estamos en la linea
vamos a crusar

hay que pasar
era mi pensar
hay que pasar
pass for an American

so over and over again
my story was deferred to an excuse
a misused exception
a prelude to a life that would exhume exemptions...

but I’m not in it to reap the benefits
or be a welfare queen-
You see
i have never taken anything without it being given to me
ration out doctor visits
injuries are rare
remedios caseros are my medicare

mi piel es como la iguana negra de tehuantepec
mis fiebres como los soles de la costa chica

y aun asi
no se me quita
lo oaxaquita
lo india
lo que el Porfiriato no pudo borrar

Por que les digo|
que muchas veces
he caminado en indecisión
que aun cuando
hay certeza

hay dolor

porque la fe no vino así no mas por nomás

hasta los santos ruegan al santo de santos
al manda mas


vino de golpes
de cachetadas mimadas
por bofetadas de alcohol
por los que no corrieron
por lo que no se salvo

esculcando escombros entre comillas

por presuntos
y por lamentos
para que alguien mas se trague el cuento
que aunque han pasado los años 
todo sigue igual
que he de encontrarte por el mis lugar
por tus lunares
te he de recordar


a los que decidieron no emigrar
a los que no tuvieron mas remedio que quedarse
para nunca poder regresar
a los que perdieron su humanidad


hasta en mis sueños
veo fronteras
ventanas cerradas
a conocer el otro yo | el otro tu
aferradas a recorrer
promesas atrapadas
cuadros de pura nobleza
y cantares de tristeza

Porque a mi nadie me pregunto
si era el C.R.E.A.M.
el green
el American Dream con lo que yo soñaba

Pero, ahora sueño
Y se

Que estoy donde estoy,
soy como soy,
y por eso me han querido | por eso me quiero yo.

Porque
Las Hijas de Maria
No tienen principo ni fin
Tienen historia
La misma que quema la memoria
Con frustradas versiones
De lo que fue
Y de lo que sera
Rara vez
Plantada
En lo que es
la Paz


---


tranquility is a fragile ability
in a city that borders
ambiguous social orders
black and brown conflict disorders
you see inferiority is a state of mind...

el pronombre entre millones sin nombre

Y no
Que se diga
k Dios me bendiga
Con toda esta pinche migra
Tengo cuatro nombres sin usar
Ni me puedo grabar las diferentes fechas
Vulgares
80 a 10
Cuantos quiere señito
Se la dejamos en tres


El especial del dia

Es otra apatia

Si marchamos ayer,
y

  votamos hoy?  

   entonces que!

because i sit in conferences about the new Amerikans,
the best of the best
and steadily my heart protests
"what about the rest?"
don’t get it twisted,
i know we need an entry point
yet i trust that this is where racism puts on its show

and just like that
we give too much away
just like the heart
there’s no cause and effect
but a deeper intellect


---


subtly a soulful love’s palpitation is forced to awake
“take me to the place where it all takes place”
the here and now
the release
of stepping stones
of wishing bones
of soles arrimados
calentados por la preocupacion
por el aislamamiento

Through you i find my words
i listen to what you heard
In my voice
In the delivery

Intent vs. Impact

Give meaning
To what we are seeing


Can we agree for a moment that there’s violence and hate in the world?


Then can you tell me| why you look at me | like its only mine|

to hold?

La verdad|

no te miento|

a veces

ni yo me entiendo.

But now i see the seeds of growth
i see my niece, laila’s world
Unlimited
She creates
Not on precedence | Not for dead presidents
but for joy
Toys w. The laws of the universe
Not on an everlasting bliss tip | See shes not in it for this
She has no concept of time
Mirrors the cosmos of the earth
Never unsure
Or uncertain

This is why i dream
For her
For you
For me