epithets of attention, you say

all ive ever wanted is love
i didn't figure|
      it out
until| i began to
converse
             epithets
                        of attention

if you catch my flow
then you’ll know

all
i
need
is
love
...
to grow

to believe| that i| can be someone
besides| a screw up
rolling with the crew|
     that knew
how to stick
     stones
to every verb
mount girls
into another
patriarchal | paramour

it might| not show
but i got more| bullets| to the head| in a lifetime
of projects
than a Friday
movie
multiplex

its not| the punches| that kill us
its the silence| we live with

intimately we weigh it out
and for how long we will have to carry it

---
if bullets were made to aim
their desired target

i wouldn't feel| this wrench in my stomach
no doubt |that life
and sustenance
has a different meaning on the black market
blocks
where you can trade rock
for a cuete
call slick up for a hit
and have rent paid
before the 5th

i evict the habits
of finding love addicts
no one should try hard at it
it just is
as i am

i introduce| my game
little attitude|
shifting moons
warming the air with a sweet disposition
never| get used to the abuse
no| bitter words

or rants
tell me| what| you| want
kinda love chant
---

what if it means more
than what i wanted it to
what if i get misconstrue
have to explain my way out of something i did not do
---
what if i did want to go there?
in those moments
where we want to share
but are scare
of judgement
committing to our own fallacies
---
what if i change my mind
grow out of it
what will you think of me
if i disclosed
this truth
my truths
the true ones
---

without ambivalence
so no law obligates|you| to respect me
no mandate forces| you |to accept me
without abjection
or restrictive affection-
your faith dictates your surrender
----
so i don’t pray that you stay
i pray that you find your way
a synchronized destiny has written you in facades
rhyming time and space

i pray| poetry |proses| of choices
i pray| that you find your way
i pray| i remain

initiated in the streets
no justice| no peace
the restlessness
of grief
doesn't | let us|sleep
the trouble waters
that shatter|
the slaughter
the fodder|
of change
of progress

every morning to scream to our face:
“you are no less
you are no less
you are no less”

reign|over|me
new city| gleam
let| me|dress
in the new| personality
one that shreds
greed
envy
and me, me, me

the nonapologetic
me
that cuts in front
of me| in long grocery lines
because| of course
their time| is more precious |than mine

how could i not feel so right?

nostalgic
tragedies
haunt
the cowardlly
its when you| face it
that you| can have| the rest
of your life
to
test
porch histories
anomalities of well rounded families
astounded by name calling,

¿nosotros?
¿ellos dijieron que eramos que?

so you white wash the n word
game up your racist sword
doubled bladed
and sworn

too legit to quit
too soon to forget

“we regret to inform you
if we scorn you
we warned you”

there are boundaries you say?

So before you choke me
I grab you by the throat
like Robert Frost quotes

cause words out weight motives
and i receive your legacy in chapter| stories

each titled Infinite Glory

stenches| warn|  of the hasteful embrace

"the smell| will linger long after
the day"

Maria would say,

"pores sweat
the regrets| of all that you say"

yes your words| have meaning
yes, sadly, other have to live with them

if you’re an asshole,
how can you| expect anybody to stay?

"my way or the highway"
you say

my father,
there has to be a better end
cause the solution lies in the problem
they say

- Coatl|Tonauac